One Mama's Crazy Life

Oh crap

2011-07-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Hubby lost his job yesterday. Had a feeling it was coming, but though we'd have a bit more time. Praying he gets another job in the next week or we won't be able to pay the bills.

8 years

2011-07-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have been married 8 years today. I cannot believe that A)I'm old enough to have been married this long & B) that we've made it this long. :) Most days I still feel like a 16 year old kid trying to figure my life out, needing permission/guidance from my parents! LOL!
I'm really proud of how hard Kip & I have worked to keep this marriage what it is. Getting married when we were young, broke, & in college was probably one of the stupidest things we've ever done. BUT - it was obviously meant to be. Here we are, 8 years & 3 kids later, still going strong. He's lucky that I'm so stubborn & persistent. Otherwise we never would have even gone on a date!!!
All joking aside, I really do feel very blessed to have met Kip & to have spent the last 10 years (2 dating, 8 married) with him. He is a fantastic father to our children & he takes care of me like no one else would. Even through the roughest of times, we've always found a way to work things out. I love that man.

My job

2011-07-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

What a mess it has been lately. We have had massive turnover, which just naturally comes with this line of work. However, it has dropped our staffing to dangerously low levels some nights. Makes it beyond super stressful to be in charge - I'm constantly on edge, waiting for that uber-critical patient to come that we simply cannot handle. That is a terrifying feeling, let me tell you. Knowing that on any given night, I could potentially be responsible for someone's death is a very humbling experience.
Don't get me wrong - generally, I love my job. Otherwise I wouldn't still be doing it 5 years later & taking on the responsibility of being in charge. The environment is usually good & I have the best coworkers in the world (99% of them, anyway :) ). I consider most of my coworkers my "family". However, I sincerely despise the feeling of putting my license on the line every night. Add to that the fact that there is no compensation for being in charge of the unit or for working every single weekend (beyond shift differential - in other words, no weekend option).
I really feel as though the hospital that has become my "home" has become a sort of prison. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, that I'm basically just a warm body to the administration. I truly dread the thought of leaving my "home & family", but the cons are starting to outweigh the pros. It makes me very sad & stresses me beyond belief.
I have a lot of thinking/researching/praying to do.

Making time for me

2011-06-30T12:34:00.000-07:00

How do you make time for yourself - without feeling guilty about it? I have never figured that out. The only "time" I have for myself is after everyone else is in bed - so it's at least midnight, usually later. I spend that time playing on the internet & cleaning, so I'm not all that sure that it can really be considered "me time".

Any time I attempt to have real "me time", I feel unbelievably guilty. I can't even sit down to scrapbook without feeling like I'm abandoning my family. I spend at least as much time talking to the kids or corralling them as I do actually scrapbooking. I even feel guilty if I try to make time to work out - which I know I need to do, for both my physical AND mental health.

So...how do you make "me time"? And, how do you get past the guilty feeling???

June 20, 2011

2011-06-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Whoops! Got busy with life & completely forgot about this! Let's see...what's happened since I last posted???

Gavyn was diagnosed with Atypical Autism on September 1, 2010. It was difficult for us to hear, but we knew something was wrong. I was the one that pushed for the eval in the first place. I'll post more about that later.

Gavyn started at a preschool for children with special needs shortly after his diagnosis. He has changed so much, it's amazing. It has made a huge difference in his speech & behavior.

I had another baby! Olivia Rachelle was born on April 29, 2011. We're not sure if we're 'done' or not. :)

I became a charge nurse in the ER where I work. There have been a lot of changes at my job!

K is no longer teaching. He had some really bad experiences & is taking a break. Not sure if he'll go back to teaching or not.

I am looking into going back to school to become a pediatric nurse practitioner. The schooling will take 3 years if I go part time. I will not start until all of the kids are in school, though, so I still have some time to think about it.

My baby boy is 2!

2009-06-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that my baby boy is 2 already! *sniff* I swear, it feels like he came into the world just yesterday. Yet, at the same time, I cannot remember what my life was without him. I don't WANT to remember what my life was like before he was part of it. The past 2 years have been such an incredible journey, watching him learn & grow, and learning & growing as a parent. I am absolutely blessed to have such a wonderful, friendly, spunky, ornery, beautiful child. I love that child more than words could ever even begin to express.

Addison Leigh-Ann is here!

2009-06-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm only SLIGHTLY behind. :D Addison was born on June 3rd, 2009 at 7:02 pm after about 11 hours of labor & 7 minutes of pushing. She was 8lbs 15oz & 19.5 inches. Lots of dark hair & beautiful gray eyes. We've been having some latch issues, so I'm pumping - she's still getting plenty of mama's milk! She's got thrush now, so we just started Nystatin - hopefully it clears up quickly!

37 week appt

2009-05-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

I've probably missed a week or two in here, but oh well. Appt was on Wednesday - went fine. Baby's still head down, heart rate 140. I'm still measuring perfect, so right at 37 cm. GBS was +, which I fully expected - I was + with Gavyn. No biggie, just means I'll need some antibiotics during labor. I was "loose 1cm, almost 2cm" dilated & about 60% effaced. Still means nothing at all, but at least I'm making a little progress on my own - which I never did with Gavyn, even after having my membranes stripped TWICE. OUCH!!! As much as I want to meet Little Miss & not be preggo anymore, I won't go to that extreme. Next appt is Wed the 27th, as long as Little Miss doesn't come sooner. My mom swears she'll be born today...but it's almost noon & nothing's really happening. I'm not holding my breath!

OB appt yesterday

2009-05-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

Had my 36 week appt yesterday. Swollen beyond belief here - look pretty much like I did with Gavyn at the end. :( Very miserable. Thankfully my BP & urine look ok though. Baby's heart rate was 146 & I'm still measuring right on. I'm "almost 1 cm" dilated & about 50% effaced. So not much progress. Oh well - I didn't progress with Gavyn at all on my own. OB had me take the night off work since I fell Tuesday night & could barely walk yesterday. The end is near, right? :P

Praise God!!!

2009-04-30T10:56:00.001-07:00

KIP GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have absolutely been on pins & needles for the past 2 weeks, waiting to hear. It's really been pretty rough since we found out in December that they would be cutting his position next year (stupid budget cuts!!!), actually. But he interviewed at my old HS and then we had to wait...They called yesterday morning & offered him the job. Even if it's not his dream job, it should actually work really well. This way, if he has a concert & I have to work, he can drop the kids off at my parents' since they live less than 10 minutes from where he'll be teaching. I'm just so beyond relieved that we know he'll have a job in the fall.

OB appt 4/23

2009-04-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Everything going well. Baby's heart rate was 144, my BP was 100/66. Belly's measuring perfect. Had some blood in my urine again - not sure what's causing it. I go back in 2 weeks.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T18:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! Gavyn got to have his first (and second) Easter egg hunt this year. It took him just a minute to get the hang of it. Of course, he was more interested in attempting to open each one rather than looking for more. :D What a silly little guy!

The nursery is D-O-N-E!

2009-03-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! We got the nursery done this weekend. (Well, minus the crib mattress - but we won't need that for a few months.) I am so glad to have that done! It makes me feel that much more prepared & ready. God forbid she comes really early, we are at least ready on that front. Plus, now I feel like I can focus on getting the rest of the house ready. :D

28 week appt

2009-03-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

Appt went absolutely wonderful today!!! :D There was some mix ups with the scheduling, but everything worked out just fine. Did my glucose test (the drink made me feel really icky, which I don't remember happening last time - but I had a massive headache, was sleep deprived, & had just woken up from a nap) - should have those results in a couple days. I'm measuring 27 weeks - 1 week BEHIND now (was a week ahead last time). Gained NO weight!!! Yahoo!!! Little Miss's heart rate was 144 via doppler (154 via u/s). OB was quite happy with how I'm doing so I get to wait another month for my next appt instead of starting the every 2 weeks!

We also did our 3D u/s. Little Miss was NOT cooperating - already acting like her big brother! (At his 3D, he stayed snuggled up against me the entire time & would not let us get a shot of his full face.) She's head down, facing my back. Chubby cheeks & big feet just like big brother. She does have a chin, though - Gavyn's got Kip's lack of chin. :D And she's measuring a week ahead - weighs 3 lbs already!!!

Let the nesting begin!

2009-03-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

Had a busy day today (well, I guess technically it's yesterday since it's officially Sunday now - whatever). I went to a Mom 2 Mom sale early this morning with my mom & got a few more things for Little Miss. We also got some summer clothes for Gavyn - that kid is growing WAAAY too fast. He's almost outgrown most of his 2T stuff - and I just got it out!!! *good grief* Came home, took a nap, & got to cleaning. Looking at the big picture, I really didn't get a whole lot done - I just get too tired too quick & have to stop & rest. *rolling eyes* That gets really old. I did get all our laundry put up, Gavyn's laundry washed/dried/folded (can't put it up til he wakes up tomorrow!), swept/mopped our bedroom & our big living room (which included moving furniture with Kip's help), & got Little Miss's laundry started. Oh, and we got the stuff off the walls in the nursery so we can paint & I get her hamper set up. :D I am seriously paying for it now though! My feet are so swollen I almost can't bend my toes!!! : ( Note to self: take a break every now & then - and put your feet up!!!

25 week appt

2009-02-24T01:00:00.000-08:00

Had my 25 week appt yesterday. Went pretty good. Weight is up about 5 lbs from my pre-preggo weight (14 if you count the 9 I dropped in the beginning). Doc wants me to keep the total gain around 20 - 25. Hoping I can do that - I'd like to keep it under 20, but we'll see. All my gain with Gavyn came toward the end. *eek* Baby girl's heart rate was 156. I'm measuring a week ahead (so 26 weeks) - I measured ahead with Gavyn the whole time, so no biggie. The dr wasn't concerned about my swelling (just like last time), BP & urine were good. And I told them that the caffeine free thing wasn't making a bit of difference in my heart rate so I'm no longer on a caffeine free diet! Yay!!! :D I go back on St. Patty's Day for my next appt - I'll do my glucose & anemia checks and we're going to do a 3D u/s. :D Should be fun.

Bubby's new room

2009-02-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

We got Gavyn's room all but finished over the weekend! Yay!!! The only thing that's really left to do is put up the blinds & then move him/his clothes into the room. He loves his new room! We put some sports decals on the walls & he loves to run his fingers over them. :D Plus, the room is bigger than the nursery, so we can actually put one of his bigger toys (his spin & bounce zebra) in there - I think he really likes that. We've been taking him in there a few times a day just to let him play & get used to it. As soon as we get a video monitor, we'll get him moved over. :/ I know he'll do fine, but it just makes it more real that my little boy is growing up.

I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck

2009-02-10T10:01:00.001-08:00

I don't know if I'm anemic, or just sleep deprived. Whatever the reason, since last week I have felt like I've been hit by a Mack truck. It's a constant struggle to keep my eyes open. I'm running at maybe half speed all day/night. Something's gotta give - and SOON.

I don't know...

2009-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

if it's the hormones or what, but I'm having a really hard time lately with the fact that Gavyn is growing up so fast. I feel like his 'baby' time just flew by. Sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. Even with the fits he throws, I want to just freeze him in time so he can't grow up anymore. When he goes to kindergarten, I will have to take an entire week off work & get on some serious anti-depressants.

I don't know if it's because this pregnancy is flying by & there will be another little one here so soon that I feel this way, or what. It's just really getting to me lately.

Gavyn's 18 month well check

2009-01-29T09:49:00.000-08:00

Gavyn had his 18 month well check yesterday (at 19 months!). He is growing quite well still - he's 32 7/8 inches tall (50 - 75%) & 31 lbs 4 oz (95%)! He is definitely mommy's big boy. His motor skills are at least at a 2 year old level.
He was diagnosed with a speech delay, though. :( They checked his hearing, and he passed, so that's not the problem. He's got really great receptive language (can follow requests without difficulty, understands what we're saying, etc) - he's just not TALKING. The pediatrician recommended that we try some sign language with him - that should be an interesting experience! :D We're hoping that he's just going to be a late talker. It's kinda disheartening to learn that your child has a 'delay' - even something relatively minor as a speech delay. It really makes you wonder if there was something that you could have done differently that would have made a difference.

Holy Cow!!!

2009-01-23T23:38:00.000-08:00

Had my 20 week appt yesterday along with the big ultrasound. Appt went pretty well. I am on a caffeine free diet now because my heart rate keeps jumping up in 120s & 130s, and I can't get it to come back down for quite some time. It mainly does it late at night at work, particularly on stressful days. *sigh* So, if it continues, I will be sent back to the cardiologist & forced to cut back my hours at work. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to work less - but we need the money & I need to build up my time off for when the baby comes!

The ultrasound went perfect. Baby is measuring exactly on time, all organs look great, & heart rate was 153. And we are officially on team PINK now! :D Kip & I are so excited (along with our entire family)! Now I get to go buy pink!!! :D

I love...

2009-01-17T23:19:00.000-08:00

I love this boy. That's all. :D

Just another OB appt

2009-01-15T10:34:00.001-08:00

Went to the doc on Monday - had some elevated BP over the weekend & my hands/feet are really starting to swell. I was getting a bit concerned about it & the OB wanted to check my urine/BP again. All is well - I'm just going to be super swollen again. *grrr* Oh well. Such is life, right? It appears that my salt intake doesn't seem to be affecting my swelling - so at least I can still have my Pepsi. :D Baby's heartbeat was 155 - baby is staying consistently between155 & 158. I've been ultrasounded twice in the last two days at work trying to see if it's a little boy or little girl & NO LUCK. The baby doesn't want me to know, appearantly. Hopefully next week we'll find out at the OB's.

I HATE these 'fits'

2009-01-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

I love my child. I really do. I cannot imagine life without him. But if he does not stop throwing these horrendous fits for every little thing, I'm going to beat my head on a wall! He is driving me CRAZY. *shakes head* As soon as he doesn't get exactly what he wants when he wants it, he throws himself on the floor, kicks, screams, & makes a huge stink. Someone remind me that this stage does pass...

16 week OB appt

2008-12-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

Forgot to post last week! Had my 16 week appt on Dec 22. Everything was fine. Baby's heart rate was 158 - the tech guessed the baby to be a girl. :D We'll find out next month.

Another new obsession :D

2008-12-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

I finally gave in & read Twilight. Holy cow - I am in love! I read the book in about 4 hours. We are going out today to grab the second one & I think Kip's going to get me the other 2 for Christmas. Now I just have to see the movie! :D

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2008-12-16T21:28:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad that it's finally snowing! And right now there's snow in the forecast for Christmas Eve & Christmas - yay!!! I really think it just makes it feel a lot more like the holidays when there is snow on the ground. Gavyn still doesn't really care for it. We took him out in it today & he didn't want anything to do with it. :D Oh well.

I have a new obsession

2008-12-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

Kip & I got new phones/cell service over the weekend. T-mobile sucks, BTW. We're now with AT&T - we got a plan that includes texting. Holy gosh, I totally love it! Now we can "talk" when we really can't use the phone. I know everyone's been doing it for ages, but this is all new for us. :D

Merry Christmas to us

2008-12-03T09:44:00.000-08:00

*rolls eyes* Yeah, right. We found out yesterday that Kip's position is being cut for the next school year. I love how budget cuts go straight for the music program first. So now he gets to start searching for a job - and I get to start stressing. I know God wouldn't bless us with a new baby & then take away our means to provide for it, but it's really hard not to worry about it. I know that everything happens for a reason...sometimes I just wish God would fill us in on those reasons.

First Parents As Teachers 'meeting'

2008-12-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

The parent educator came over yesterday for the first time. Kip was all worried that they would say that we're bad parents & that we're not teaching our kid right...I tried to explain to him what it was really all about, but he didn't really get it. :P Anywho - Gavyn did SOOO good. He was showing off & doing things that we'd never seen him do before! He really liked the parent educator. I was so proud of my little boy! He's been rather ornery lately, so it was nice to see him on his 'best' behavior. :D

Another OB appt

2008-11-21T11:49:00.000-08:00

Had an appt yesterday. It went fine. Baby's heartbeat was 155 - s/he was awful stubborn & didn't want to be found. :D Gavyn was the same way in utero. Had some blood in my urine, so they're going to run a culture & see what's going on there. I'm also going to have a gallbladder ultrasound the day before Thanksgiving. I'm actually hoping that's my problem - b/c that means there is a SOLUTION! If not, then this is just my body's reaction to pregnancy, which sucks.

OB appt today

2008-11-14T21:09:00.000-08:00

The OB finally decided they wanted to see me about this whole stomach thing. No answers, of course, but I have a GI consult on Dec 3rd. The only suggestion I got was to try Mylanta & Zantac. I did talk to my aunt, and she said her gallbladder 'attacks' were exactly like what I am experiencing. So I guess on Monday I'm going to call the OB's office & beg for a gallbladder ultrasound.

The baby's heartbeat was 156, on a positive note. :D

Whine whine whine * Complain complain complain*

2008-11-13T10:17:00.000-08:00

I swear, all I do anymore is whine & complain. It's really annoying. Granted, I do have an excuse. I'm in pain 24/7. This stupid stomach ache NEVER FREAKING STOPS. The only time I feel "okay" is when I'm asleep - so that doesn't really count, right? It feels like someone has a hold of my stomach & is constantly squeezing, twisting, & stabbing it. Quite frankly, it really pisses me off. No one understands. Kip & my mom both listen to me complain, but they don't really UNDERSTAND. Of course, I can't take anything for it & the OB's office has NO explanation as to why my stomach constantly hurts. They do, however, gripe at me because I'm not eating & drinking enough. Grrr.... This crap had better stop by Thanksgiving. I want to be able to eat!

Zofran pump

2008-10-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

Well, today I will be getting my Zofran pump. I've been on Zofran & Reglan (pills) around the clock since Friday. Together, it's been helping, but if I miss a dose or try taking only one medication, I get super nauseated again. In fact, right now I'm trying to hold down my bowl of cereal from this morning (I only took Zofran this morning). The nurse should be here in about 3 hours. I'm excited (at the prospect of NOT being nauseated), nervous (about the whole thing), and a little sad that I'm having to resort to this. However, if it helps, I'll take it at this point.

I am so proud of myself!

2008-10-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

I finished Gavyn's scrapbooks tonight! The only pics I have left to put in the books are his 12 month pics! He's not quite 16 months yet & I'm actually all done!!! I'm so darn proud of myself. I really wanted to be able to get his books done before the next baby came & while everything was still fresh in my mind. :D Now I can get started on my second pregnancy scrapbook...

Pregnancy hormones...

2008-10-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

Good grief. This pregnancy is not being kind to me in the least. I am constantly on edge - either ready to scream, cry, or kill someone at any given moment. I do NOT remember being like this with Gavyn. Poor Kip just kinda cowers in the corner, hoping to not get yelled at. I'm ready to just walk out of my job & not look back. Somehow, I don't think the bill collectors would understand that though..."I'm sorry sir, but my hormones are just crazy & I couldn't stand talking to ONE MORE IDIOT at my job, so I just quit..."
In all seriousness, I desperately need to find another job. *ugh*

Sick as a dog :(

2008-10-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend is kicking my butt!!! I started feeling crappy on Thursday - woke up with a really sore throat. Didn't think much of it really; attributed it to my allergies, which had gotten bad the day before. However, as the day went on, the glands on the left side of my neck started to swell. By the end of the night (I went to work), I couldn't hardly turn my head because my glands were so swollen. Woke up Friday feeling HORRIBLE. I had a fever, both sides of my neck were swollen, I couldn't hardly swallow... I actually went to the doctor I felt so bad.
So, all day yesterday & today, I've been pumping Tylenol to keep the fever at bay. Drinking as much water as I can, which isn't much since it hurts to swallow so much. I've dropped almost 4 pounds in the last 2 days because I haven't really been able to eat. Right now, I'm waiting for my muscle relaxer to kick in so I can hopefully go back to bed. I've been in bed most of the day.
Tomorrow, we're supposed to go up to St. Jo for Kip's brother's birthday...not sure if we'll make it or not. I certainly doubt I'll feel like going, & I seriously doubt anyone will want to be exposed to me! My fever keeps going up & down, and as long as I'm running a fever, I'm contagious.
I just hate to feel like this. *ugh* Being sick is bad enough, but being preggo & sick is just the pits!

It's only ONE!

2008-10-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I'm a bit relieved. I know that if God had decided to give us twins, he would have provided for us & given us the wisdom to raise them. However, it was a bit anxiety-inducing. :D I was scanned again at work today & there is only one sac. We could even see the baby's tiny little heart flickering away. :D That was a great feeling, see that tiny little flicker.

I love my toddler tornado!

2008-10-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

My crazy little son... He drives me to the brink of insanity sometimes. He got waaay overtired before naptime today & spent a good portion of time beating the crap out of me, pinching me, etc. I got so frustrated I finally put him in the crib by himself.......and then got really sad b/c I wanted to take a nap with him. So I got him back out of the crib (he was *STILL* awake) & laid back down with him. He finally fell asleep & took a pretty decent nap.

Then, later, I was sitting in the recliner reading a magazine while Kip played Gears of War & Gavyn ran around, playing with his toys. Gavyn comes over to me, grabs his 'bedtime book' (Oh the Thinks You Can Think by Dr Seuss), & wants up in my lap. So I put my magazine down & just sat in the chair with Gavyn. We didn't read, he just 'looked' through his book by himself. But he sat up in my lap for a good 20 - 30 minutes. :D He laid his little head down on my chest & sat there...it was so sweet. It absolutely made up for all the orneriness from the rest of the day.

I love the times when he does stuff like that. It reminds me why I wanted to become a mom. :D

1 or 2?

2008-10-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

When I got to work tonight, I had one of the gals do a quick scan. (We have an u/s machine in the ER, & this gal has a second job where she does u/s all the time for Planned Parenthood.) Anywho, it was hard to see much since I'm so incredibly early. BUT, she said "there's one sac definitely, POSSIBLY TWO". I'm going to have her scan me again in a week or so to check for sure. Twins do run in my family & it's my generation's turn for twins.

We will gladly take whatever God gives us & thinks we can handle. That's just super intimidating!

Exciting news!

2008-09-30T13:37:00.001-07:00

Well, we found out Thursday September 25 that we are expecting our second bundle of joy! This is such a blessing for us. We have been trying for 9 months now to give Gavyn a little brother or sister & now our wish is finally coming true! Gavyn & I surprised Kip at work with a shirt that says "Big Brother" on it. He was very excited. We also go to surprise Grandma the same day. The new baby will be due somewhere between June 3rd & 7th.

My first appointment with the OB is October 9th. We'll discuss whether or not I'll need to see a cardiologist (I have a patent foramen ovale - a hole between the top 2 chambers of my heart) & I'll also get set up with a nutritionist at that time. Should be an interesting 9 months!!!

Giving this whole thing a try

2008-09-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess this is my first 'blog' post. I've done a few on Myspace, but never anything like this. I doubt anyone will want to read the ramblings of an exhausted mama, though. :D At least I will have a way to get my thoughts out before I lose my mind at some point. (ha ha)